#102. Love Your In-Laws

I decided to write on this item in the journal for a special occasion- my mother in law's birthday.  Now, if you know my mother in law, you know how wonderful she is.  If you don't know her, you will hopefully understand how lucky I am to have her by the end of this post.  Her name is Teresa, and she is extremely hard working, loyal beyond belief, and loves her family fiercely.  She is extremely sentimental (which is not helping my tendencies to want to hold on to every piece of baby clothing of my kids) and stronger than she knows.  

Nana's favorite 3 people!

                   

I think it is really special that my mom chose life lessons like this to put in my journal.  She knew how much I would need them once she was gone.  In-laws can be a complicated thing for many people.  Everyone is different, everyone has different beliefs, methods of raising children, goals in life, and personalities.  For some, this can cause a great deal of strife.  I have been extremely blessed in the in-law department.  I knew this before my mom passed away, but once she was gone and I had children of my own, the appreciation grew to a whole new level

My mother-in-law has been so good to me from the time Jeremy and I were dating.  I remember people telling me that she must really like me because she would try to get rid of girls that her boys dated that she didn't like! Ha!  I knew I was in good when during our freshman year of college, I was hospitalized with ruptured ovarian cysts- she and my mom drove 4 hours during the night to be with me when Jeremy called them, then stayed the weekend in a hotel together with me to make sure I was ok.

This picture was taken the night I went into labor with Luke!

Then there was the incident my sophomore year- Jeremy had his parent's car at college for a few weeks, and he had let me borrow it to take friends to dinner for a girls night.  I ended up hitting a large, LARGE deer (buck- with lots of antlers) with their car- totaling it.  Whoops!  I was terrified they would make him break up with me! Instead, they drove down to make sure I was ok and to deal with the car drama.  

   

Nana's boys!  Look how little Luke was!

Fast forward several years- my mom was diagnosed during our senior year.  I remember going to Jeremy's house to tell him (over our Thanksgiving break) and his mom sat and just held me and cried with me.  She was there for everything- she and my mom got along so, so, so well.  The bond they had once she was sick was nothing short of amazing. I know they had long, long talks about many things once she was gravely ill.  I know that they talked about future grandchildren, mine and Jeremy's future, and more.  I know that Teresa promised her to take care of me and my future babies.  I know that she promised to help keep her memory alive- which she has done so well.

Hanging at the beach with Nana and Papa!

Teresa took days off of work to take her to chemo and sit with her, she talked her into getting a puppy (my mom's first ever pet of her LIFE) a year before she died because she knew how much joy it would bring her- and she was right.  She even began to pay closer attention to her own health knowing that she was going to be so needed as a mom and grandma in the future.

Since my mom passed away, Teresa has grown to be not only my mother-in-law, but a fabulous Nana, and a very close friend to me.  We talk almost every single day.  Besides my best girlfriends, she is who I call when I need to talk, she is who I can vent to about anything and everything.  She is one of the very first people I ran the idea of this blog by- and she has been one of the strongest supporters.  She is strong and honest, loyal and loving.  She stays on me about things that I need to take care of, such as dealing with upcoming preventative surgeries for myself.  She tells me when I need to quit worrying about things.  She loves me at my best and at my worst.  She makes special time for us, whether it is on vacation or shopping before Christmas.  She knows that I need "mother/daughter" things once in awhile, and she always comes through.  She always, ALWAYS knows what to do or say.  On some of my toughest days since my mom's death, she has done things like surprised me with planting a hydrangea here at my house- one of my mom's absolute favorites.  

When it comes to being a Nana, she has been amazing since day 1.  When I was pregnant with Brady, she would come to my appointments with us because she was so excited.  She threw a huge baby shower for me and decorated it with quilts that my mom had made in advance for future grandbabies.  She had me convinced that if Brady was a girl, he had to be named after my mom.  When Brady spent a week in the NICU, she slept in the folding chair next to his incubator several nights so that I could sleep and recover from my c-section.  We moved in with my in-laws for the first 4 weeks of his life because I was so scared to be alone with him while he was on an apnea monitor and had breathing issues.  She went to breastfeeding classes with me and doctor's appointments with us. She was in the room when Luke and Claire were born, obsessing about how much hair they would have.  She did it all, both because she wanted to, and knowing that she was doing what my mom wanted her to do.

Now that we have 3 beautiful babies, she is a very busy, loving Nana.  My kids adore her.  She is such a kid with them- she jumps in the pool with them, goes down slides with them, plays baseball with them, and plays card game after card game with them.  My friend's kids love her almost as much as my own kids- they actually call her Nana and/or Hanna because that is what one little friend thought her name was when he was a toddler!).  She invites my friend's children to her house to swim all summer with open arms, and stocks her freezer full of popsicles and ice cream for them all.  They love going to her house and having her make up stories about witches and skeletons!  I constantly hear my friends saying how lucky I am to have the in-laws that I do, and I know it.  I think that Teresa is just as appreciative of our family because she knows that my mom would give anything to be here with us, and that she is blessed to be able to share our lives with us. 

Some of the kids who hang at Nana's pool and love her!
Check out Claire's face- she wasn't feeling it.

It is no wonder Jeremy turned out the way he did- he was raised by such loving and loyal parents, who continue to support us in all that we do.  Teresa does not like alot of attention and definitely does not want recognition...however I felt that this post coincided so perfectly with what my mom told me to do.  I do love and appreciate my in-laws, and I know what a gift from above they are.  I like to think that God has everything planned out so far in advance, he knew I needed them in my life to help with the loss of my mom.  He knew my children deserved several amazing grandparents (in addition to my sweet dad and stepmom).

Luke's preschool graduation!

I often times look at my two boys and talk to my mother-in-law about how things were with her two boys when they were younger.  I know that she hoped and prayed for them to grow into strong, smart, and loving men like they have.  I know that she appreciates the relationship that we have and the closeness she still has with Jeremy.  I find myself praying for my future daughter-in-laws (and dear LORD, for my future son-in-law...that poor soul! Claire is a challenge!  Ha!)

 I have read several posts online about praying for my future daughter-in-laws, and I have tried to  follow these and adapt them to my own.

•  I pray that they have mothers like mine, that instill in them the importance of love and respect. 
•  I pray that they learn to be strong and independent, humble and classy. 
•  I pray that they will stand by my boys through thick and thin, and help them weather any      storms that   come their way together. 
•  I pray that they will be good mothers and help my boys to become good fathers. 
•  I pray that they will support my boys and to push them to always work extremely hard, but to  know  that family comes first and that time can't be replaced. 
•  I pray that they will take good care of my boys. ( I know, I am old-fashioned...but I like  cooking and  cleaning for my husband and children) 
•  I pray that they will respect and honor family traditions and start some of their own. 
•  I pray that they will love them at their best and at their worst.  
•  I pray that they will have a deep love of God and instill this in my grandchildren.
• I pray that they will have the same kind of loving relationship with us that I do with my own  in-laws.

So Teresa, because I know you are reading this, I hope that your 59th  29th birthday and year are as special as you.  I am so grateful for you and how you bless our lives everyday!

For this post's recipe, I thought I would share one of the things that Teresa makes that my kids absolutely love- her Special K bars!  These are simple, delicious, and great to take anywhere!

Nana's Special K Bars

• 
  

6 cups Special K cereal
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups peanut butter
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups butterscotch chips
1 teaspoon vanilla 

 Grease a 9x13 inch pan. 
 Grease a mixing bowl and pour the cereal in.
 In a pan on the stove, combine the corn syrup and sugar. Stir over medium high heat until it comes to a boil. Remove from heat and stir in the peanut butter. Immediately pour peanut butter mixture over cereal and mix well. Then pour into the 9x13 pan.

In a microwaveable bowl, combine the butterscotch chips, chocolate chips, and vanilla. Microwave for about 25 seconds at a time, stirring well after each increment.  Once chips are completely melted, pour over the cereal bars and cool completely.  Enjoy!

The Most Challenging and Rewarding Job

#22. The most challenging and rewarding job in your life will be being a mother.

I was originally intending on posting on this journal item for Mother's Day, but ironically enough, being a mother has had me so insanely busy lately that I did not have time to finish the post.  Between the end of the school year, baseball games every night for the boys, getting ready for vacation, etc, I couldn't keep my head on straight and had to focus on my crew.  Hence, this is a much, much belated Mother's Day post but is extremely applicable to every.single.second of every day.  There are so, so many times when I wish I had my mom here on a day to day basis, and most of them revolve around needing her advice for the challenging parts of parenting, and wishing she was here to celebrate the rewarding parts with me.

My crew on Mother's Day

Let me begin with the first half of this statement- being a mother will be the most challenging job...Ummmm yes.  Without a shadow of a doubt.  Definitely.  Some days are way more challenging than others, but being a mother of young children is not an easy task no matter what day it is.

Sweet as she looks, she can be quite the challenge!

From the time I wake up each day to the time I go to bed and even several times in between (Claire does not believe in sleeping through the night), I am needed. "Mom, where are my shoes? Mommy, Brady pushed me! Mama, get me a pa-sicle (popsicle).  Mom, get me a snack.  Mommy, where is my hat?  Mama, get me my mimis (blankies)!" and on and on and on and on.  This can obviously be an incredible challenge while trying to get myself ready for work, out the door, get dinner ready, get the house cleaned, etc.  The challenge gets taken to a whole new level when my boys are fighting- which is a frequent occurance.  I then become a referee and police officer.  These are challenges that every parent faces every single day, no matter if we are tired, sick, etc.  There are definitely days when bedtime is the best time of day- just for the peace and quiet that comes with it!

This is constant...crazy brothers!

The challenge continues to rise when a child is sick, sad, or hurt.  These are the times when I REALLLLY miss my mom.  I miss her all the time, but when I need advice or help, I just ache for her to be here to tell me what to do or that things will be ok.  I was thrown into the challenge of parenthood from the get-go with Brady being very sick as a preemie.  We got through that, through the challenges of having newborns, nursing, lack of sleep, and more.  We passed the challenges adjusting from one to two to three children. Sure, there are plenty of websites and books and magazines out there to give advice, but nothing quite helps like having your own mom there to lead you on the right path.

Baseball ate up our month of May this year!  Love seeing these two have fun together!

I was naive when I first had children to think that parenting is the toughest when they are tiny little people.  Boy was I wrong!  My children are not that old yet at all, but I am already starting to see what my mom meant as far as challenges after the baby stage.  There are no step-by-step guidebooks written on how to deal with hurt feelings, making good choices, self-esteem, confidence, friendships, study habits, sportsmanship, and more.  I now know that it will continue to get tougher and tougher as my children grow and pray that I can always guide them in the right direction.  I know that I drove my mom insane at times (especially during my teenage years) and that I challenged her like crazy.  She was always firm, always tough, but always very open and loving.  I hope that I can be the same for my kids during the most challenging of times- easy to talk to and loving, while sticking to my guns.

Wild woman wearing a dress made out of material from my Mom's quilting material stash

The second part of the quote is that it is the most rewarding job in the world...this goes without saying.  There is no job in the world, no job worth any amount of money, that could ever be as rewarding as being a mother.  There were the rewarding "firsts" that we all experience- first words, first steps, first smiles, getting potty trained, first day of preschool, and more.  Those are all extremely proud mama moments, but as I thought about what I wanted to write about, my mind went to even more meaningful and rewarding moments...ones that aren't just a step in life, but ones that have taken thought and prayer.

Such a proud parenting moment during May - Brady's First Communion

I, like all mothers, want my children to be smart and kind, to get good grades, etc.  However, some of the most rewarding moments I can recall thus far as a mom don't involve grades or points scored in a basketball game.  They don't include how quickly my kids were potty trained or when they slept through the night.  What they do include are things my children have said or done that show me they have really taken something we've talked about to heart and learned from it.

Another proud parenting moment- Luke's Preschool Graduation!

An example of a rewarding time that comes to mind was last year when Brady and I were talking about my mom.  He asked me how old Grammy is...and I told him that if she was alive, she would be 58.  He looked at me puzzled, and said "Mom, she IS alive. She's just alive in Heaven!"  How rewarding to know that we have done our job in teaching our little boy about Heaven, and about his Grammy!  How rewarding for him to snap me out of a sad funk I get in once in awhile about missing my mom and remind me that she IS alive, and that one day I will see her again!

Another example of an extremely rewarding time as a mother took place right before Mother's Day this year.  My little Luke woke up early on a Wednesday while I was in the kitchen packing lunches.  We started chatting and he asked what was coming up on the weekend.  I told him he had a birthday party to go to and it was almost Mother's Day.  Out of nowhere, he asked me what I get my mom for Mother's Day.  I quietly explained to him that I can't do anything for my mom except to send her prayers or talk to her since she is in Heaven.  He looked at me with his sweet, five year old innocence and said, "Well why don't we send her a balloon?".  My heart almost burst at that moment when I realized that this little boy understood enough of what we have told him about God and Heaven to come up with a perfect Mother's Day gift for his grammy.

My father-in-law just told me the other day that he was having a conversation with Luke and they saw some older people.  Luke said to him "Papa, it's ok if you get old and die.  We will be together forever in Heaven."  I love that he internalizes and understands to the best of his 5-year-old knowledge that God has prepared an even better place for us to be together again, and that this is where my mom is waiting for us now.  

Those are examples of just a few exceptionally memorable and rewarding parenting moments.  However, I believe that every single day has so many unspoken rewarding moments...there is nothing quite like morning cuddles, rocking a baby, kisses/hugs hello and goodbye, watching my children interact and play, watching the boys take care of Claire, or watching them sleep.  I'm sure I am not the only mom who stares at her babies when they are sleeping and at times am moved to near tears at the amount of satisfaction and love that bubble up inside!

These two have separate rooms but want to sleep together ALL the time...even though they fight half the time!

I thought alot about the challenges and rewards of being a mom on this recent Mother's Day and how they pertained to my own mama.  How challenging it must have been to be a mom when she was so sick those last few years of her life...how difficult it must have been to continue to be a strong mother when her own health was crumbling.  I would imagine if she was here today she would say that some of her most challenging parenting moments came during those last few years.  Her motherly instinct seemed kicked into overdrive as she rapidly prepared us for life without her.  She rose to the challenge of making sure my oldest brother and I both had beautiful weddings, that my youngest brother would graduate college, that my Dad would know what to do with himself and where to turn, and that we all had our faith in place to lead us down life's paths.  When I think about these challenges that she faced, the day to day challenges that I face as a mother seem incredibly petty.  When I get irritated by my boys constantly fighting or by Claire having a shrill 2-year old fit, I think about how blessed I am to have these challenges, and how my mom would give anything to have had time to have more challenges here on Earth.

These two are such good boys but definitely challenge my patience on a daily basis!

There were rewards for my mom towards the end, I am sure of it.  I know this from things that she said and things she wrote in my journal.  I know it was rewarding for her to know that she instilled such a strong faith in myself and my brothers.  I know that it was rewarding to see us band together in support of her and of each other.  I know it was rewarding for her to see how strong we tried to be during her sickness, how positive we always were in front of her.  I know it was rewarding for her to realize that nothing was more important to us than family and her, as we all took large amounts of time off of work and school to just lay with her, talk with her, be with her.  I like to think that motherhood is still rewarding for her as she looks down at my brothers and I.  We all have very happy marriages, she has 5 beautiful grandchildren, and we all try to honor her and keep her memory alive as much as possible.

My biggest blessings.

I am sure that if my mom were here, she would say that the years she was a mom were the best years of her life.  I know that I myself can say the same...I used to hear from so many people in high school and then again in college "This is the best time of your life, enjoy it!".  No way.  Not a chance.  There is absolutely nothing more precious, more miraculous, more meaningful, than this time in my life.  Having young children who want to be with me and play with me and cuddle me- giving and receiving unconditional love- there is nothing like it.  I thank God every single day for the gift of being  a mother...for both the challenges and the rewards.  I pray that my children always know that even when they are being a challenge, they are my greatest reward.  I pray that years and years from now, when I look back at my life, I can have the same kind of peace that my mom did, knowing that I was a good enough mother, the mother that my children deserved, and that my final reward of being a mother will be the legacy of family, faith, and love that they carry on.

For this post, I decided to post one of my mom's favorite dishes, one that she made over and over and now I do the same...her strawberry pie.  It is so simple and different than other pies in the sense that the crust is a shortbread crust.  Try it, I guarantee you will love it!!!

Mom's Strawberry Pie

1 cup flour

1 stick butter or margarine (1/2 cup)

3 tablespoons powdered sugar

Mix these 3 ingredients together and pat in a 9 inch pie pan.  Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.

1 cup sugar

3 tablespoons corn starch

1 cup of water

Mix these 3 ingredients together over low heat until it gets thick and begins to look clear.  Remove from heat and add in 3 tablespoons of strawberry jello and stir.  Let cool.

Clean and halve 3 cups strawberries.  Mix berries with strawberry jello mixture and put into crust.  Refrigerate and serve with whipped cream!  Enjoy!