Choose To Be Happy

Choose to be happy.  Joy grows from the inside and is reflected on the outside.

Pure Joy.

Choose to be happy.  How simple is that?  Actually, not that simple at all.  It sounds simple for sure, but we all know that there is a lot more to it than that.  I am the first to admit that I have had trouble always being totally and completely "happy". I let things get to me terribly. I worry frequently.  I let others opinions change my state of mind.  I let worry take over my mind at times.  I actually worried so much about doing this blog that I didn't know if I should even go through with it because of worrying what others would think. 

How could I not be happy with these 3 cuddled in my bed!?

 Although I have had many of the journal items memorized for years, now that I am writing them and interpreting them, I am learning so much more about myself and how to apply these to my life everyday. 

"And I think to myself.....What a wonderful world."

Choose to be happy.  I am on a constant journey with this one.  For a long time, I didn't feel like I should ever be happy.  I had lost my mom, my best friend.  How could I ever be happy again?  How could I possibly go on and have a fulfilled, happy life?  Wouldn't it be selfish to be happy?  But I came to realize that my mom WANTED me to be happy.  She constantly told me to live my life and be happy.  She frequently told me not to care what others thought or said or did- worry only about myself and my family.  

Happiness is spraying each other with the hose.

She was so right, and so real in her statement that joy grows from the inside.  When I allow myself to be free of worry and not bogged down by other things, my heart is so full of joy.  I have so, so much to be happy about, grateful for.  Even on the worst of days, there are so many blessings surrounding me.  Making the choice to be happy can change not only my day on even a yucky day, but the days of so many others. 

The lights of my life

Joy starts on the inside and is reflected on the outside. 

We have all had days where we are not happy and it shows....but then it rubs off on those around us.  When I am letting my mind get away from me with worry or someone else's opinion, I do not reflect any sort of joy.  This is evident to Jeremy, my kids, and more.  The attitude that I have no matter what kind of day it is directly affects so many- even the kids in my classroom.  As I have grown and learned what it means to choose to be happy, I try to do this everyday.  Are there days when it is hard?  Of course.  But I always try to catch myself and choose joy- and most of the time my day is turned around by the way that my joy is received.  If I wake up tired (which I do very often because Claire doesn't believe in sleep) and grouch at my kids, that sets their tone for the day as well as mine.  If I start off my day at school by being unhappy with my class, that lessens the trust those children have in me as their nurturer and caregiver away from home.  When I show joy to my kids, WOW- my house is such a happier place!  Same thing at school- my students may get rowdy but they are SO much more willing to learn. 

Happiness is playing in the rain!

I am really trying to teach my children that happiness is a choice as well. I know that at this point in their lives, they are very young and naïve and hopefully happy everyday.  They have yet to face many trials and tribulations other than if their ipad loses it's charge or we run out of ice cream. However, I know that the time will come soon when happiness becomes a choice for them.  They will be faced with many choices while growing up, and I hope that by choosing to be happy and joyful each day, this will impact the other choices they have to make in a positive sense. I want my children to know how loved they are and always be full of joy.  I want them to be so full of that joy that they instinctively spread it to those less fortunate, those in need of happiness, to everyone. 

We can look at people and see if they are joyful or not...when we see someone who is shining with happiness and joy, this does not mean that their life is all flowers and smiley faces.  They too, like everyone else, have real problems that they are dealing with every day.  They just choose happiness each morning when they wake up.  They choose to know that although there is something weighing on their heart or mind, they are choosing to be happy because they know it will rub off on those around them and reflect joy to others.  They know that life is too short to not be happy. 

Happiness is flying high above the pool!

I am a work in progress with this- I still let things bother me and get under my skin a lot.  I worry what people think and get frustrated easily at times.  I am constantly trying to think about my mom and how she dealt with her illness.  She rode a constant roller coaster of emotions...and yet, she chose to be happy.  Did she have her moments where she broke down and was sad? Certainly.  But most days she woke up deciding to live the life that she had as a happy and grateful person. 

Full of joy, even during difficult times

How do you want to be remembered?  Do you want to be remembered as someone who was grouchy or irritable?  Someone who was always upset or complaining? 

Or do you want to be remembered as a person who was so full of life and joy that you influenced others to be the same way?  That is what I am hoping for myself someday.  Obviously I hope that I live a long and healthy life, but it is always in the back of my head that anything can happen at any moment.   I worry more than I should about leaving this earth at a young age like my mom did.  I hope that I can live whatever life I have here on earth showing others happiness and joy. 

My mom obviously wrote this journal for me over a year before she died.  She was very sick for 3 years.  One would think that the memories that many have of her would be as an unhappy and unjoyful person because the last few years of her life were so full of trials....but they are not.  Words cannot express how proud it makes me when I run into someone who knew her, or when I have a nurse take care of myself or my kids that had her in school- and they all say what a joyful person she was, always laughing and smiling, always joking with her coworkers and students, always showing joy even to the end.

Sooo full of joy dancing with my baby brother during my big brother's wedding!

One such instance that comes to mind is when my mom was going through chemo, she would be going somewhere in the car and someone would pass her or honk if she was going slow (which she always did- a trait I did NOT inherit ha!)...she would pull her wig off and grin just for the shock factor.  This was her way of making light an otherwise sad situation.  I think that this goes to show that we can find some sort of joy in just about anything if we search hard enough.

  

Before her illness...so full of joy at my big brother's graduation from Notre Dame.

One of my mom's dearest friends lived 2 doors up from my parents' house.  The weekend before she passed, it was evident she was not doing well.  Cheri came down to hang out for what would be the last time.  I remember sitting at the breakfast bar in my parents' kitchen while they talked.  Cheri was having a very difficult time with what was in the very near future...and then my mom chose to show happiness and joy- a happiness and joy that came from so deep inside her that it was obvious that her faith in God  and what was to come were behind it- and she said to her friend, "Oh Cheri, would you quit being so darn sad?  I will still be with you all of the time.  Just think- when you are outside sitting on your porch or in your hottub and a bird sh*%$ on your head, it will be me." 

True story- Cheri has had a bird poo on her head several times since then.  She also constantly sees birds sit right by her or act peculiar when she is in her backyard. 

Top left and bottom pics- from a scrapbook I made for my mom's 50th birthday.  Top right- Cheri and I at my wedding :)

Now, I know that this may seem kind of silly to share with you, but my point is that no matter what the circumstance, it is ok to still have some happiness inside of you that you share with others.  Joyful people are contagious.  The next time you find yourself being unhappy about something or someone, try to find it in yourself to show happiness for something in your life.  Watch the joy that you radiate spread to others.  xoxo




Finally, a recipe of my mom's that makes me HAPPY:

Cabbage Salad
(I make this CONSTANTLY in the spring and summer- perfect for Easter or any sort of gathering!)

-3 tablespoons sesame seeds

-1 cup slivered almonds

Toast the seeds and almonds and set aside

-Shred 1 head of cabbage

-3 tablespoons of chopped onion

-1 package of chicken flavored ramen noodles (crunch in package and remove and save seasoning pack)

Mix and shake (or put in blender):

-1/4 cup canola oil

-1/4 cup sugar

-1 tsp. salt

-3 tablespoons white vinegar

-dash of pepper

-seasoning packet from ramen noodles

Add nut mixture to cabbage mixture, then add dressing.  Refrigerate in airtight container, toss before serving.

Item #39- What True Love is All About

39.  Love is grand, lust and passion are great, but the feeling that comes to you when things aren't right in your world when only your husband can make things better- holding you, holding your hand, sitting up with you with a sick child is what true long lasting love is about.

 

10 Year Anniversary Selfie ;)

When I started to think about the direction I want this blog to go in, I decided that I would post about whatever is pertinent in my life at the time from my mom's journal rather than go in the exact order she wrote things.

 Today's post is actually about #39.  I feel that it is very appropriate at the beginning of this blog journey because it will allow me to share about my number one support, my husband.  

 

The idea of this blog actually came to me while on vacation 18 months ago with just Jeremy and the kids.  I had been reading several of my favorite blogs and loved how inspirational they were.  I had been really missing my mom and saddened by the fact that she was not here to see my children and their amazing personalities.  I had wanted to share her messages with others for awhile, but it wasn't until that trip that it finally came to me that this was the way to do it.

From that time, Jeremy has supported me 100% in this journey.  He knows how dear to my heart this is, how important it is to me to keep my mom's memory alive.  Jeremy was more than a son-in-law to my mom, he was her buddy.  

Senior Prom!  

We were sooo young!

Jeremy and I met my senior year of high school when his school had a basketball game against my school.  When we met, we had both already committed to Miami University.  The first time he came to my house to take me on a date, he had on a beat up ball cap and ugly Jordan shoes- and my mom adored him.  I can STILL see her standing at the top of the stairs with my dad watching us leave, and can still see her standing there when I got home.  She asked how it went, then simply said "You are going to marry him someday." 

Night out during our 4 years at Miami!

School of Education graduation- May 2003

We were together throughout our 4 years at Miami, and I can still remember the day that we went home for Thanksgiving break our senior year...that fateful day when my mom told me she had cancer.  After talking with my parents, I immediately got in the car and drove to Jeremy's house- he was the only one who could make things seem better. 

Our engagement picture

July 10, 2004

Honeymoon in Palm Beach, FL

From that moment on, he became my rock.  He understood that I had to go home constantly the rest of my senior year.  He understood when I wanted to get engaged and married quickly after college so my mom could be there.  He never questioned it when I called my mom to check on her at least 3 times a day from our honeymoon.  He understood when we were newlyweds and I wanted to run home every weekend to be with my mom.  He was the voice of reason when I wanted to rush having children so that maybe she could meet them....he knew that wasn't the right or healthy thing to do.  

He was there up until the end- making jokes with her and promising her he would take care of me.  He was there to hold me the minute I got home from the hospital with my dad the night she passed.  He was the one who had a veryyyy real dream about her shortly after her passing where she told him that she is completely happy and feels great- and to tell me to quit calling and pestering her! ha!  Of course she would go to him in a dream before me, we always joked that she liked him better than she liked me!

 

These three adore their daddy!

I was sick with a stomach bug so he took them to breakfast with Santa by himself!

Since having our 3 sweet children, Jeremy has done everything in his power to teach them about "Grammy".  He tells them stories about her all the time, talks about her as if she is here, and talks to them about how she is in Heaven whenever we see the moon.  He even talks to them about good food she made when we are eating!  I feel that my children truly "know" her due in large part to him.  

When rereading #39 in my journal, his support throughout all of the above plays over and over in my head.  It is so applicable to some of my fears as well.  Jeremy knows that I could very well face what my mom went through.  He knows that I will possibly face extensive medical procedures to try to prevent going through it.  He does not bat an eye about it, and encourages me to do whatever possible to ensure that I am here on this earth as long as possible.  

 

I also relate it so much to him as a father to our children.  He is such an amazing daddy to Brady, Luke, and Claire.  I fall in love with him more and more each time I see him with them.   What my mama said about love being when he sits up with you with a sick child- this is less than glamorous, but so true.  With three kids and 2 of them in school, there is alot of sickness going on frequently here.  Poor guy even had to hold the bag while Luke got sick on an airplane ride home from Disney World last month. 

Claire defines "daddy's girl" in every sense of the term.

Jeremy is Luke's hero :)

 

One of my favorite pictures of Jeremy and Brady- after his team won a basketball tourney this year.

Jeremy will take on anything with our kids and do it with a smile.  He will play babydolls with Claire or shoot basketball with the boys.  He will take them to get me gaudy jewelry and roses for Mother's Day and attempt to bake me a cake with them for my birthday. He tells my kids at every meal how lucky they are to have a mommy that cooks and bakes for them and always teaches them to tell me "thank you". 

When my mom was really sick towards the end, she worried a lot about my brothers, my dad and myself.  She tried to organize things and teach us as much as possible, and left each of us with a journal.  (Yes, she wrote FOUR journals.  She also made baby quilts for us to have even though none of us had children at that point, and made Christening quilts out of her wedding dress for each of us to have for our future children.  She was amazing.)  In my dad's journal, there is an entry asking him to take care of my little brother (he was just finishing college at the time) and to keep a special eye on him.  She then went on to say in the journal "Andy will be fine.  She has Jeremy."  (Andy has been my nickname in my family since my older brother couldn't pronounce 'Andrea' when I was born). 

 Very simple but very powerful statement coming from a woman who wanted to make sure everything was in place before she passed.  She KNEW that Jeremy was who God chose for me.  She KNEW from the very beginning, long before her illness, that he is the one who would support me and love me and always be by my side, long after she left it.  She knew that she could leave this earth to go to Heaven knowing that I would be ok because of him. 
 

Now, this is not to say that we have a perfect marriage, because no one does.  Of course we argue and disagree at times like any other married couple.  We are both incredibly stubborn and want the last word.  However, quite a few of my mom's 127 things revolve around always respecting Jeremy and how important it is to work at our marriage.  I think that my respect runs so incredibly deep for Jeremy not just because of what a good dad he is or how hard he works, but because of his commitment to keeping my mom's memory alive for me and  our children. 

Losing my mom was obviously the worst thing I have ever gone through, and I would love to have another day with her.  It took me a long time to get past my sadness, anger, and mix of emotions.  After awhile, I began to think about turning her death into a positive...maybe part of God's plan was that I would learn to fully respect my husband more, to value life so much more, and to influence others to do the same.  Thinking back to #39 mentioned above, of course love/lust/passion are great.  Who doesn't love the butterflies you got when you fell in love, go on dates, and get flowers?  Are there times when I get frustrated because Jeremy and I don't get much any alone time because of our three crazies? Sure!  But I remember what my mom said and know that I am so beyond blessed to have someone by my side who is there for me and our children through thick and thin. 

Jeremy loved my mom's cooking, so it is only appropriate I post a recipe for one of his favorites:

Year Round Fruit Salad 
*adapted from Taste of Home

(it can easily be made anytime of year because it doesn't require any seasonal fruit)

-I make this for potlucks, brunch, and as a sidedish when we have breakfast for dinner!-

 

1 20oz can pineapple chunks

1/2 cup sugar

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1/3 cup orange juice

1 T lemon juice

1-2 cans mandarin oranges, drained

3 apples chopped ( I use both red and green- leave the peel on for color)

3 bananas, sliced

mini marshmallows- OPTIONAL (for kids)

Drain pineapple, reserving 3/4 cup of the juice. In a large saucepan, combine the sugar and cornstarch. Pour in the pineapple, orange and lemon juices and whisk until smooth. Cook and stir over medium heat until thickened and bubbly, then cook and stir 1 minute longer. Remove from the heat; set aside. In a large bowl, combine the fruits. Pour warm sauce over the fruit; stir gently to coat.  Refrigerate and enjoy!

Item #1...You Are Loved More Than You Will Ever Know

I am pretty excited with how the timing of this blog being ready coincided with item #1 in the journal that my mom left me.  It is something very simple that she started out with when writing things down for me, but as a mama, there are no truer words that can be spoken:

YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW.

Brady at age 3

Now, I love and adore each of my children equally and to the moon and back on a rocket ship (we say this every night at bedtime).  However, today is my oldest baby's birthday, so I am focusing this post on him.  Brady David turns 8 years old today.  I am convinced that the timing of his birthday was completely orchestrated by my mom and God.

My precious boy a few hours after being born a month early!

Brady was hooked up to apnea monitors for 3 months.

My tiny baby boy

Brady at 6 weeks old

 We found out we were expecting a few months after my mom passed away.  It was a huge mix of emotions to say the least.  We were thrilled to be having our first child, but it was devastating to me to have to go through pregnancy without the guidance of my mom (who happened to be a labor and delivery nurse and nursing instructor).  I was dealing with lots of things at the time of the pregnancy- a brand new teaching job in a new district, putting our first home on the market and preparing to move, helping my dad, brothers, and grandmother cope with the loss of my mom, and more.  I had several weird complications during the pregnancy, such as Fifth's Disease (thanks to working in a school).

 Needless to say, I was absolutely dreading the first anniversary of my mom's passing- I was 36 weeks pregnant and extremely emotional.  My best friends planned to take me to dinner that night, as Jeremy was at a basketball tournament in Columbus.  I ended up getting realllllly sick though, and told them not to come.  My wonderful mother-in-law came to my house and took me to the E.R. because something didn't seem right.  I was so, so sick and covered in a weird, horribly itchy rash.  After a few hours in the E.R., they determined everything was ok and sent me home.  I tried to go to bed, but a few hours later was unable to bend my arms and legs and couldn't even stand up I was so nauseated.  At this point, Jeremy was home and took me back to the hospital.  Once there, I lost control of all body functions and they said I was in labor. They ran some quick labs and determined I had late stages of HELLP syndrome ( (H) hemolysis, (EL) elevated liver enzymes, and a (LP) low platelet count)- which is a very bad form of preeclampsia. They immediately wheeled me to the O.R. and did an emergency C-section. I don't remember much, but Jeremy was terrified.

Early on March 17, St. Patrick's Day, my sweet Brady David was born.  He was 5 lbs, 7 oz and had underdeveloped lungs and premature apnea. We ended up at Akron Children's Hospital for a week and then on a breathing monitor and meds for 3 months.  He grew so quickly and is now almost as tall as me!  You would never know he had such a rough start! 

 

I feel that my mom had everything to do with when Brady came into this world- he wasn't due for another month, but I went into labor exactly one year to the date that she passed, and then had him early the next morning.  I will never dread this time of year as I once thought I would- one of my greatest gifts from God came on the luckiest of holidays.  Now instead of feeling sad leading up to  March 16 each year, I think about the gift that my mom sent me as we celebrate Brady. 

Brady's first day of Preschool!

Brady's first day of Kindergarten!

He was so excited to have a little sister!

He is Luke's hero! 

He is the sweetest big brother!

Brady is an amazing kid- he is super cuddly, even though he is practically as tall as me.  He is an incredible big brother (all of the time to Claire, most of the time to Luke ;)).  He is extremely curious and inquisitive, and has an immense love of sports- scores, stats, teams, rosters, documentaries on players and teams, he loves it all.  He also loves to play sports and play with his wonderful group of friends.  I am so, so sad that he is growing up so incredibly fast, but love having conversations with him- he is like a little adult.

You are loved more than you will ever know.
 

These words ring in my head constantly as a parent to my own children, even though my mom wrote them for me.  I couldn't fully understand them until Brady David entered my world on March 17, 2007, followed by his younger brother and sister.  I feel like these words are spoken not only from my mom's heart, but also from God.  How loved I feel to be chosen to be Brady, Luke and Claire's mom!  How wonderful of a gift from above! 

Take a minute today and tell your children or another loved one that they are loved more than they will ever know.  Start writing things down for your children...an idea that I love is starting an email address for your kids.  Send them little messages and document special moments, and when they are old enough (or for a special occasion like wedding/graduation), give them the email address which will be full of emails from you. 

 I am going to try to include some of my mom's fantastic recipes in blog posts when applicable, so it is only appropriate that I post her brownie recipe below- it is Brady's absolute favorite!  Simple and rich enough that they do not need icing.  Enjoy!  Have a very happy and blessed St. Patrick's Day!

  

Grammy's Special Brownies

-1 cup butter or margarine ( I use butter)

-2 cups sugar

-4 oz. unsweetened chocolate

 (if you do not have any of this on hand, use the conversion chart on the back of the Hershey's cocoa container!)

-4 eggs

-2 tsp. vanilla

-1 and 1/2 cups of flour

Mix all of the ingredients well and pour into a 9x13 greased pan.  Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 min.